3 years to the day....

I must say normally this day comes and will almost be over before I remember what took place on this day. I can't beleive it has been three years since her death. At times I feel like it has been forever since I have been able to love on her, but lately it seems like she was just here. So much has happened since Azure has died. I got married and had a baby and it is hard to think she has not been here for any of it. Then I think of Eric and how she is missing out on so much. I understand that she is watching, but is it wrong for me to feel jealous that she is not here. That she is missing. That I can't call her when i just want to talk or joke around with her. it is ok for me to be angry that she left? That she is not coming back in this life. There are times I just want to scream and ask why. Does that feeling ever go away? I normally don't let these feelings surface. My poor husband will come in and I will be all emotional and just say I miss her. He doesn't understand he never knew her. He never had the chance to meet her. Sometimes I just wish the hurt and empitness will just go away. I just want her back and her to be here now. I don't want to have to wait to see her again.

I love you so much Azure and miss you more than words can express. I guess I will just have to learn some more patients and let this time past so I can be with you again.