Memories

As I lay here trying to make my brain stop thinking so I can sleep and praying for my sister in law as she waits for her body to keep progressing so they can meet their daughter, my mind finally took me to memories. With my on going struggle with depression I at times have to fight to find the happy memories through out my life and one of my happiest memories came flooding back. The memory of having Katelyn. It is strange because not only did the memories of the waiting and delivering come back but all the emotions I felt.

I remember the fear I felt as I began the induction process and was trying to get my mind prepared for the unknown. The first night was the longest of my life and to awake and find out the cervadil didn't do anything and have to pray the pitocin would help get me moving. I remember the pain as contractions got harder and trying to figure out how the crap you breathe through the pain (wishing I would have done a birthing class). Then the epidural it was awesome at the time to finally get a break from the pain. I couldn't relax before and I wasn't proogressing. I then got an hour of sleep and woke to sharp pain running down my legs. Then finding out the end was near and I had finally gone from a 3 to an 8. Then the pushing and then finding out the baby was a girl. All the feelings of labor disappeared as they set my beautiful daughter in my arms. She was absolutely perfect and the love I felt was overwhelming. She was finally here. She was MY baby and she is one of my miracles God has blessed me with. I am so grateful for this memory. I am grateful for the three beautiful spirits the Lord has blessed me with.

Trials

Today has to be one of the hardest days and a faith building one. I was excited for today and yet have had an uneasy feeling for a while now and was hoping it was just me over thinking everything. I headed to the Doctor to find out my due date for the 4th little one that would be blessing our home. We went in and I was measuring 8weeks 1 day (around where we were thinking I was). He then measured everything but I wasn't seeing the flutter of the heart you normally see. He then said they wanted to try a vaginal ultrasound and see if he can get a clearer picture. I changed and got ready and made the comment to Boston about no heart beat but maybe I was wrong. He came back with a nurse and kept trying for a heart beat and then the dr came in. I knew in my heart what was going on. He told me that unfortunately for some reason in the last couple days the baby's heart stopped. He then told me to change and we can discuss from there what to do. The ultrasound tech and nurse gave me a hug and said they were sorry then we were left. I cried a little then went in the consult room where another Doctor with tears in her eyes came to talk to me. To apologize and tell me how she has had 3 herself and it hurt her to see me go through it. They said I can wait for nature to take its course or do a d & c. I told them I wanted to just wait and if things didn't happen would go back next week for a d & c.

As we left I just wanted to run to the car and release all the tears welling up. I cried all the way to where we were going for lunch. I have cried off and on but have felt so much peace and comfort. I know the Lord has a plan for me and my family and through a priesthood blessing that the baby fulfilled its purpose. I know the Lord loves me and understands my hurt. I am grateful for eternal families. I am terrified as the days progress and I miscarry this baby. However, I am comforted that I will have the strength to get through it. I am grateful for the 3 little blessings I have already had. I am so lucky there are so many who can't have children and my first three pregnancies resulted in three beautiful children. I am thankful for this trial and the way it has already humbled and taught me so much. I am grateful for the gospel and knowledge that I will get to see my baby. I  grateful for eternal families. I am also thankful for the wonderful man I have to help me through this hard time.

Learning

I have been struggling with my role as a Mother and wife lately. I have felt on many days that I would be better spending my time earning money then being home. Maybe I wasn't made for this role. With these feelings of doubt and not measuring up I have decided to turn to the Lord and start improving myself. To start reading my scriptures and saying my prayers. Reading talks and other things put out through The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to help me understand my calling in life and to help me be a better me.

Every night I lay in bed wishing my day had gone better. That I hadn't yelled at my children or gotten upset at them. I think how I want to be a better parent. I want my kids to grow up in a happy loving home and realize it all begins with me. My attitude is everything! I realized that when I get up early, read my scriptures, say prayers, and work out I am a happier person. I have been reading The Parent's Guide and realize I have a lot to improve on, but I am going to do it! I am going to improve myself each day so I can be the best mom I can be for my children. I am going to keep Christ at the center of our home. I am going to work on teaching my children through love and kindness. I am going to change my attitude and make the best out of life.

I am grateful for my children and glad I am going through these experiences that are making me a better person for them. So here is to a better future.

Frustrations

I have been working on losing weight for a while now and I am slowly dropping the lbs, but oh how I wish my body would like me. First it was my knee and I got a knee brace and was able to workout two days before my back went out on me while working out. It is hard. I am trying so hard to lose weight, but the hardest thing is not being able to function 100 percent for my family.

I promised Katelyn we would make pancakes today for breakfast and last night is when I threw out my back working out. So she comes in this morning and climbs into bed with me and I told her to be careful my back was hurting. She laid her head on my side and says, "mom I am sorry you hurt. Can we make the pancakes?" I started to cry remembering my promise the day before realizing I could barely move let alone stand up long enough to help her make the pancakes. My parents ended up coming and getting all the kids for me and I was able to leave and get my back adjusted. I still can only stand so long before I have to sit and rest. So I decided that even if I have to sit fifty times while we make some yummy pancakes tomorrow I will make sure she gets her pancakes. The disappointment on her face this morning has bothered me all day and I don't want to disappoint her. So we are making pancakes and we are going to have fun with them!

Sweet Older Sister

Canon has been sick with the flu bug that has been going around and has been miserable. He has hardly eaten anything today and has been super grouchy. I had my volleyball games in Snowflake tonight and when I got home Boston said that Canon had grabbed his monkeys and was laying on the couch then Katelyn walked over and started singing songs to him and almost had him asleep on the couch. I am sad he didn't record it or get a picture. Even though they fight, Katelyn is such a sweet older sister and would do anything to make him feel better. She is such a little mom. I am grateful for my beautiful children and wonderful husband.

Update on the Bryce Household

So Two months from today will be 5 years since I said yes across the altar from the most amazing man I could have ever dreamed to take me as his wife. We have three beautiful children and a great home. We have loving and supportive family on both sides and are just over all blessed. I will just do a little update on the three kids and then post some pictures of the Bryce get together this past weekend.

Katelyn- What to say about this little girl?! She melts my heart with her big smile and loving hugs, but my patience for her attitude is thin, but working on making it stronger. She is definitely stubborn and I am trying to remember she is only 3 and not 6 like sometimes I treat her. She loves her siblings and always thinks of them whenever we are making anything. Her and Canon definitely have their disagreements, but she is VERY protective of him. For example on Thursday we were headed to Queen Creek for my Dentist apt. and she begins to whine that Canon is trying to pull her jacket off. So I turn around and tell Canon to leave her alone and stop pulling on her. That he needs to be nice to Katelyn. All the time Katelyn has this concerned look on her face. She says, "Mom he was just trying to love on me!" I look at her and said then stop complaining. You were the one saying he wouldn't stop pulling on you. She gets this huge grin on her face and starts giggling. She is too smart for her own good.

Canon- He is definitely a mess. This kid is part gorilla! He climbs anything and reaches things that you think no way he can get that. He is talking more and LOVES music. He also loves to be outside with the bock bock or goats. He will cry if you go out without him and as soon as he gets up he is asking to go see them. He loves his dad and is definitely a daddy's boy. He has this grin that also melts your heart. He is just a lot of fun at this age and everyday learning new things. We will be starting potty training soon.

Temperance- The Lord knew I needed this little girl. She is a sweet little girl. She has started baby food and LOVES it. After a couple days of doing baby food she started refusing her bottle sometimes when she is hungry because she wants the food. She is 6 months old now. She started pulling herself from one place to the other and just started crawling two nights ago. She is has become more content now that she can move around and play with things.

Boston- Is doing good. Excited for spring we are planting a huge garden and hoping for a good harvest. He is super busy with work and has taking two trips back east so far this year.

Me- Well I started my weight loss journey at the beginning of the year. I have lost 20 lbs so far and looking forward to a lot more lost. I have been doing Insanity and eating healthy. I am starting to run on Monday and will be working up to being in shape to run a Ragnar. Hoping to run one with my amazing sisters one day.
NO I AM NOT PREGNANT! My sister in law -Cindy- announced that her and her husband are expecting a baby in November. I couldn't resist posting this picture.

All the Bryce Granddaughters in the dresses Sheri made for Christmas

on your mark get set

GO!!!



waiting for the egg hunt to start.

Bakery?....

For months I have talked to Boston about how a bakery would be fun to open. In the past few weeks I have had different friends at times mention how they would love to do a bakery just out of the blue. I kept looking at Boston like maybe it is a sign I should do one. I love to bake new fun things, but bread seems to not like me. I want to do fun cakes, pasteries, and other desserts. I would love to bake delicious treats for my family and community. Well last night as I was cooking dinner  and thinking how I love trying new recipes. I love to cook! So instead of a bakery maybe I will just take some cooking classes and improve my skills. I will still bake for fun and if there is something that my friends and family would like me to make for them I can do that. Maybe charge something for time and ingredients, but for now I am just going to be content cooking for the most important people in my life! My husband and kids:) Maybe someday I will open a bakery or some fun little shop and sell delicious treats..... Here is to dreaming!

Time flies

So last time I posted was after I had Temperance and she is now 4 months old and adds another special touch to our family. We have kept ourselves busy over the last few months. We celebrated Thanksgiving with the Bryce's and got family pictures. Then we celebrated Christmas early with the Bryce's and Christmas Eve and Day with my family. It was great to see all of Boston's family and most of mine.

We have enjoyed living in Heber and are so grateful for the wonderful friendships we have made. Boston had fun making a new sledding run this year on the mountain and we had a lot of people sledding on the hill this season. As far as our little farm Boston added 3 more goats in the summer. We now have chickens, bees, turkeys, and goats. We just ordered our seeds for our garden and are looking forward to this growing season.

Boston had the opportunity to fly to Columbia, MD; Manchester, NH; Chicago, IL; and Dallas, TX all between Sunday and Friday. It was definitely a great experience for him and me. I was able to stay home and appreciate even more what he does for our family. It was a hard week with three sick kids, coaching, and games. The first couple days were not so bad, but then when Katelyn and Temperance got ear infections I was ready to cry. Luckily I am blessed with helping friends and parents to watch my kids while I was at practice and one night Carly brought us dinner. I am really lucky that Boston works from home. It has definitely made having 3 kids 3 & under easier.

We have made our New Years resolutions and are going to get debt free this year and stay debt free. We have cut up our credit cards and will be paying cash for what we need. We have put in a plan and if we work hard can have our house paid off in 5 years, maybe sooner! We are ready to "Live like no one else now, so later we can live like no one else." I also have started my New Years resolution of getting fit and no soda. I am stayed strong on not drinking anything carbonated, but did slack on the getting fit one week. I am back on track and ready to do this. I have lost 10 lbs and feel amazing. I don't miss soda and love working out. I can't believe I didn't start sooner. It feels great having sore muscles and being sweaty. I know I am going to accomplish my goal and I can do this.